Forget frustrations

At this point in my life there are many things that are out of my control. I cannot control my children, their thoughts,their emotions or their experiences. I cannot control the reality that with a family of five comes important responsibilities that I cannot shirk. I cannot control unforeseen events and much of life in general. For these workouts I cannot control the fact that I do not have access to a weight room, or even the weights that I left at home before our vacation.

I am still in the learning stages of a movement to find a way to relinquish the need to try to control those things that are out of my hands, because I recognize the futility. It is by far the hardest thing to do.

So, I don't have a weightroom, but I am trying to complete a workout that has weights. I have two choices essentially. I can moan and complain about the lack of weights and sigh regularly with frustration, giving in to that negativity. Or, I can find this as an opportunity for creativity and a challenge to adventure.

I do the staple push-ups and ab exercises. I do squats with soup cans and lunges with a loaded backpack. I do dips off my bathtup and pullups from the monkey bars. My kids love the "legpress" game where I pick them up on my feet while I lay on my back and get in a few reps.

It is not perfect, and not exactly what the workout should be, but it is the best that I can do right now. I can't be frustrated with my best, and neither should any of the players who are working hard to get in workouts between jobs and with limited resources.

This workout is like many things in life. It offers the ideal guideline, but the reality of how it plays out, is never perfect. I have to tell myself to be open to creativity. To give up on my very real need to control the uncontrollables. I have to forget frustrations so that I can move forward with what I have to work with. That is the best I can do.

Hurt

These workouts have been good for me, not just physically, but as a chance for reflection and realization.

It was not possible for me to get my fourth workout in last week because I inadvertantly assumed that I would have a free minute away from kids during the weekend. I don't know why I thought I'd be able to do it, because I know full well the demands of my husband's job this time of year. It is right about now that I miss the convenience of a treadmill in the house.

So, I learned the valuable lesson that my workouts are going to have to happen during the weekdays, and most definitely around my husband's schedule. I literally ran away from my kids and my husband when he met us at a park at the end of his workday on Monday. I was so excited for the break that I managed to enjoy each and every step of the long run.

When I looked at the schedule for Tuesday, I realized that if I was going to get in a long run I was going to have to do it before anyone in my family was awake. That means leaving the house by 6:30 in the morning. I was good until about 15-minutes into the run, and then I remembered why I space out workouts to be further apart than twelve hours!

I finished just fine, but along the way I had a revelation of sorts. While I was running, a Johnny Cash remix came up on my ipod. I don't know if I had heard it before, but if I had, I had never really paid attention to the lyrics. It starts, "I hurt myself today to see if I still feel." It is a morbid and depressing song, but the first line stuck with me. Why in the world am I subjecting myself to this pain? I realized that at this point in my life it really is just to see if I still feel. I'll never compete at the level I have competed before, but I am still drawn to challenges, and I suspect I always will be.

The summer workouts in college were for the sole purpose of surviving preseason in one piece and being in shape enough for a demanding season. I wish that I knew then what I know now. Life is meant to be felt and rigorous workouts are no exception. I wish that I had looked at my time playing as an opportunity instead of an obligation. I wonder how that might have changed things.

7-lap time is in

It has been interesting trying to coordinate a rigid workout schedule with the demands of my family, but I've just had to be creative and diligent.

I took my second forty-minute run on Wednesday while my husband was with the kids at the baseball practice for my oldest. We all drove together and after the practice started I headed off on the adjacent path and ran in gorgeous weather up and down a nearby hill. As the kids get older, I imagine that many of my workouts will happen while they are at various activities.

I was determined to get in the 7-lap test today, and because my husband had to go in to work early, I had to improvise. I took all three of the kids to a nearby high school, unloaded them to one end of the football field with a number of things to play with, and I ran the 7-lap test. I completed the seven laps in 14:12. It is a couple minutes slower than the last test I took in college, but I am not terribly upset with the first attempt this summer.

I did sit-ups and push-ups when I got home from the run, and then did some pull-ups and dips when I took the kids to a park later in the day.

I am unsure how I will get in the last 40-minute run of the week over the weekend, but I hope to come up with a viable plan. So far, it has been a good start to the week, and I am excited for the next run over the weekend.

Back to the workouts

It is week one of the Stout summer workout plan, and I have decided to try to complete the program this year. It is easy to measure how much has changed since the last summer that I did this, but there are intangibles that cannot necessarily be counted, but are significant nonetheless.

Thirteen years have passed, three children have been born and four surgeries have happened since my last completed program. I am worried about a number of things that could work against my desire to get the workouts in, but I am determined to do all I can to finish. My body aches more than it did thirteen years ago, and with the schedule of three children under the age of eight it is going to be harder to find the time to stick to the plan, but I'll take it one workout and one day at a time.

I had to start with yoga yesterday to loosen my tight muscles after being in a car for two straight days. It was really relaxing and I felt ready to tackle the first running day today. My plan was to get up before the kids this morning to get in an hour workout, but the early-rising sun woke our two-year old, and I wasn't able to get my workout in until 9:00 tonight.

Tonight's run was a phenomenal way to start the workouts, and I was pleased with the finish. It was a cool evening, and I was happy that my lungs felt much better than I expected they would. I did sit-ups and push-ups after the run, and I'm hoping my stretches will keep me from being too sore tomorrow morning.

My stride has changed, my speed has changed and life around me has most certainly changed, but what most surprised me tonight was the change in my thought-process with regard to these workouts. When I was in college, I would dread the workouts, counting down the days until they were done and cursing every step I had to take to complete any one workout. What was different tonight was that I couldn't wait all day for a time to myself to get in a workout. Even on the run I was grateful to be able to take another step running, because I know that my time for running is not infinite, and there will be a day when I will not be able to do a summer workout. I am grateful to be able to attempt it instead of overwhelmed with an obligation to do it.

I have not yet done the 7-lap test to see where I am, but I think I'll be able to get in the timed run on Thursday morning. I'm still walking around relatively normally, and I really hope I have that same feeling tomorrow morning. Time will tell.